24 July 2015

Pay Attention To Me!

Finding a job is like trying to lose weight. You have to make it a lifestyle--tracking calories and applications all day every day, working out and writing cover letters obsessively, seeing little to no results after months and months of being hungry and poor.

But here I sit, still overweight and scrolling through the endless sea of job postings hoping to find something that

a) I'm qualified for, and

b) seems like it won't make me want to rip out my hair and bang on my chest until they cart me away and lock me up forever.

Once every 113 postings, I find something that meets my oh-so-demanding criteria. Then I scroll (always scrolling) through the duties and requirements and qualifications and I bookmark it until later and continue my search.

It's been two years since I obtained my MFA. Two long, retail-riddled years. Day after day I endure the heartless stares of wealthy customers who I'm pretty sure just think I'm a ditzy monkey with a ponytail who doesn't understand simple questions like "do you carry acrylic paint?" I purse my lips and reply with a sighing "yes" and lead the way to the fine arts section, even though my apron clearly states that I'm a custom framer. Who's the dummy now?

But I guess it's still me considering I have a graduate degree and only a shitty retail job to show for it. If i had a dollar for every application I've sent out, I wouldn't need to find a better job. I could just retire. But prospective employers only see me as a resume without enough RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE. I frequently feel that if I could just meet with them and work for them for a week, they'd see that I really can handle an administrative assistant position, despite having only 3 years of said experience.

Honestly, I'd prefer to just shout "somebody fucking hire me already!" off of the rooftop of my Baltimore row house and see if anybody bites. I'm pretty sure it's the only way to stand out amongst the bottomless pit of .pdf files and forced cover letters and if not, at least my fat ass would be on the evening news.